I already forgot...
I already forgot I was supposed to be writing everyday. I suck. I had an interview today...I wasn't qualified for the position I was interviewing for apparently. But...I suppose for every con, there is a pro...or at least, that's what I keep trying to tell myself in my lame attempt at becoming an optimist. So I came home and started spamming applications across Indeed. Five minutes after applying to one, I got a call back from a place that has a job for me, but wanted to see about placing me in a more clerical capacity. So now, I have resumes in for 3 office jobs, and a supposed walk-in position at a factory if those don't pan out. I also have an interview for a local grocery distribution center, for a first shift position, that's about an hour away, on Wednesday. When it rains it pours I suppose. Nothing near me, but I will figure this out. I just have to keep reminding myself. My end game, needs me to make this leap.
Second on the today train...I went to a gym to see about membership. When I went, I thought it was pretty much a sure thing I would get the job I was about to go interview for. That obviously didn't happen...but I did like the gym...but it's an added trip. I feel like if I find a gym in the town I work in...I'm more likely to ACTUALLY do it. I've totally crapped out on my diet. I stress ate enough to give me a sugar coma today. No good.
The BIG MOVE is soon. My Fox is relocating for work...and as much as I want to meltdown with stress...I keep trying to remember that he needs stable, not crazy. He has plenty of crazy. I've got a little checklist going in my head of the things I want. One of those things is a 4 bedroom 3 bathroom house. That would be a room for us, one room for each of the girls and a guest room for our parents. In daydream land, I can be there and established by the time he retires, and if things went my way, I would be able to be a stable place to land for him. I'm really good at being everything everyone else needs...just not so good at taking care of myself. I feel like at least in this instance, it is win win...because it is good for me too.
The bad side...I have been having a hard time picturing things actually working the way I want them to. We were talking about him being a Grandpa...he would be an amazing one. He is so about his daughter...even miserable he stays in order to provide her with stability. He wants to protect her from the fallout of dissolution, and I get that...but I wonder if that will ever change or if he will always stay so that she is never hurt. Until she is out of high school, I totally grasp...but beyond that...I'm just having a hard time picturing it. It's depressing the hell out of me. I feel like I finally found someone I connect with and because of history, there may be no future as well. So, I've been working really hard at trying to put a little bit of buffer between us...although to be honest, he seems to be doing the same thing. Every time I feel sensitive about that though I try to remind myself that he has a LOT going on right now, and it isn't personal and I don't need to add to it, by being a clingy mess. He always says I overthink things...and he's right. I just don't read things well...and I'm hoping so hard, that reality seems like it could be different. He is amazing. I won't wax poetic beyond that...just, I feel foolish to have gotten this far in life without ever pursuing him.
Second on the today train...I went to a gym to see about membership. When I went, I thought it was pretty much a sure thing I would get the job I was about to go interview for. That obviously didn't happen...but I did like the gym...but it's an added trip. I feel like if I find a gym in the town I work in...I'm more likely to ACTUALLY do it. I've totally crapped out on my diet. I stress ate enough to give me a sugar coma today. No good.
The BIG MOVE is soon. My Fox is relocating for work...and as much as I want to meltdown with stress...I keep trying to remember that he needs stable, not crazy. He has plenty of crazy. I've got a little checklist going in my head of the things I want. One of those things is a 4 bedroom 3 bathroom house. That would be a room for us, one room for each of the girls and a guest room for our parents. In daydream land, I can be there and established by the time he retires, and if things went my way, I would be able to be a stable place to land for him. I'm really good at being everything everyone else needs...just not so good at taking care of myself. I feel like at least in this instance, it is win win...because it is good for me too.
The bad side...I have been having a hard time picturing things actually working the way I want them to. We were talking about him being a Grandpa...he would be an amazing one. He is so about his daughter...even miserable he stays in order to provide her with stability. He wants to protect her from the fallout of dissolution, and I get that...but I wonder if that will ever change or if he will always stay so that she is never hurt. Until she is out of high school, I totally grasp...but beyond that...I'm just having a hard time picturing it. It's depressing the hell out of me. I feel like I finally found someone I connect with and because of history, there may be no future as well. So, I've been working really hard at trying to put a little bit of buffer between us...although to be honest, he seems to be doing the same thing. Every time I feel sensitive about that though I try to remind myself that he has a LOT going on right now, and it isn't personal and I don't need to add to it, by being a clingy mess. He always says I overthink things...and he's right. I just don't read things well...and I'm hoping so hard, that reality seems like it could be different. He is amazing. I won't wax poetic beyond that...just, I feel foolish to have gotten this far in life without ever pursuing him.
Comments
Post a Comment