Preparing for the worst...

I want to post while I remember.  I'm always on edge, preparing for what is next, and usually the worst possible outcomes.  This makes me pretty stressed out.  Right now, I'm utterly head over heels for someone.  But it's not a thing, probably won't ever be a thing.  There's this little tiny sliver of hope...that once his daughter is out of school, we may be able to give it a go.  I just feel like, he is pulling back so hard, that I am doing the same in preparation for that other shoe to drop.  The one where he says "it's been fun", "we can always be friends"...you know, the one that breaks your heart, but you try to smile through it.  I know he isn't too...logically, it's his personality.  He's not emotive, and I am super insecure and need constant reassurance.  I need someone who is going to tell me how much I mean to them, not assume that I know because of their presence.  He is so solid and supportive, and seriously my absolute best friend.  I can picture laying with him every night and just feeling at peace.  He gives me complete faith in my ability to do anything...but without him right there, I feel so totally lost.  It isn't fair for me to put that on him.  It isn't fair for me to need him so much, when I feel like he keeps to himself so that he doesn't put things on me.  I feel clingy and needy and unwanted and like I'm bothering him with my presence.  He says its fine, says he's always there...but I think he is too nice to speak up.  I never thought I would trust someone again...considering my last epic fail in the trusting a partner department.  I do trust him though and sometimes, I second guess myself on that.  It's made a million times harder by the distance and circumstances.  I know what I was told and what was happening in my own situation versus the truth.  It is hard to trust that I am not just a pawn in someone else's game.  Maybe he will never open up a chance for us and right now I am just a distraction or an escape from reality.  This is all messing with my head so much...I quit sleeping with his jackets last night, just to see.  I miss him, I wish I could just grab his hand and squeeze it, or hug him.  It would make me feel better, but that may never happen again...and I have to accept that.  I knew what I was getting into, this is my own doing.  I just didn't know how hard I would fall and how much he would mean.