Scared & Proud

I am insanely proud of my best friend.  He has been serving in the military for almost 16 years.  I see his efforts and dedication, to something I never could have pictured him doing.  I've known him since I was 12.  He was the boy who showed me there was music besides country music.  He influenced me in countless ways.  I spent years crushing on boys who looked like him...never quite finding him in any of them.  It hasn't been until the last year that who he became would really influence me. 
  Over the last 23 years, we have sporadically reached out to touch base.  Sharing stories about marriage, children and trials we have faced.  This last year was different, we became inseparable in our camaraderie.  It made me realize that time hasn't changed how I feel, but it has made any possibility unlikely.  The realization of what I missed out on, made it virtually impossible to accept where I was.  So after spending the last 6 years in a struggling marriage, trying to change myself into one of the many girls my husband was straying with, I walked away.  I have never felt so lost or alone.  Everything I worked so hard for over the last 15 years, is gone, including my trust.